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*pokes* Nov. 23rd, 2004 @ 12:00 am
This community has been very quiet for a very long time. Is there any interest in keeping it going? Does anyone need someone to step up and start the next round? It looks like we've lost some members, so we'll probably need to advertise.
Any ideas?
Current Mood: curiouscurious

[Fic] Warm Safe Place Apr. 22nd, 2004 @ 04:06 pm
First off, I am sorry this is late, but with graduation preparations, I'm a bit stressed. It made this harder to write and finding the time to write it was even more complicated. So again, SORRY!


Title: Warm Safe Place
Author: Selena Barton
Pairing: 1x2
Genre: AU, Songfic
Warnings: Yaoi, unbeta'd
Note: Song sung by Staind

Warm Safe Place

**Another day
Inside my world
I'm married to you
and this road.
A road that never
lets me sleep .
So theres no way to escape the
demons I am forced to keep.**

I catch myself twisting the slender gold band around my finger once again. I’ve been out here for so long, just wondering what happened to you. I have no choice as to being way out here in the middle of this hell. Bombs crash into surrounding buildings, screams fill the air, and all I really want to hear is your voice. All I do here is your voice. “Take care, and come back to me.”

It’s really strange. I never heard you all that much before you were gone. You always made me promise to come back to you. You always promised to be there when I came home. What happened?

I’m forced to always be on the alert in this war zone and yet, the one war I fight the most is one inside. This war occurring here is nothing compared to the nightmares that occur when I slept. I’ve given up sleep. I can’t let myself rest for fear of seeing that day again. I don’t want to see those last days of seeing your face. It kills me.

The rest of the troop asks why my wife never writes. I just tell them my mate is no longer living and they back off. I’m not up for explaining that I never had a wife to begin with. I had a husband. Correction, I have. I refuse to say I am a widower. I am a man that has a wonderful husband that just doesn’t happen to live in this world any more.

The silence surrounds me as the 24-hour seize fire takes effect. The dust falls from the last building collapse. I hear the last of the cries as those poor innocent bystanders are killed in their own nightmare. I think that would be a welcome release to me. I’m not sure. Every time I think how close I am to death, I hear you make me promise to come back to you, that sweet soft voice calling to me to make it through the hell.

**And then I find you here
Through your eyes
Everything's clear
And I'm home
Inside your arms,
But I'm alone for now.**

I do sleep once in a while. Sometimes this body just refuses to listen to my pleading to stay awake. I know if I dose off without realizing it thanks to the looks from the others. The look of fear and pain is obvious on their faces. Sometimes I wonder just what I said or did while I was asleep, but I know what dreams I have. They are complete nightmares. I see you there alone, dying. I always imagine you crying out my name, begging me to hold you close.

They say you died peacefully, but I’ve always felt they tell the survivor that to ease their pain no matter how horrific the pain of the deceased may be. I fear that I left you to suffer alone. I will never forgive myself for that. Never.

I must be getting closer to death. I am beginning to see you now as well. I’ve had one peaceful dream this time. I see you as if it were I. I know it was you. I could see my reflection in the mirror across from our bed.

I reach up and caress your face only to be able to touch you once again. I hold that body in its own arms just to be able to hold you. You feel so tired, so weak. Should I have seen this moment coming before I left you that night? I see how pale your complexion is. How did I miss this before? Maybe it was that reassuring tone you always got when I said something about it. I miss how you always told me I was imagining it so I could baby you more. I heard that so much that I actually started believing it. I hate myself for it though. But in a way, I will always love you for lying to me about it. Another part of me hates you for it, but I can never truly hate you.

I see me walk up behind your reflection. I see what you see and what I saw. It’s odd, but comforting. I pulled you into my arms and kissed you gently. Again, I ask how you feel and am told I am only trying to find an excuse to stay home. Okay, maybe that was a little bit of the reason. But I was so worried about you. You told me how you just needed to lay down; you hadn’t slept well last night worrying about me leaving that night. I bought it. I bought every last word. You never lied, so why should I think you told me anything but the truth?

I scoop you up in my arms and lay you down gently on the bed.

“Are you afraid you’ll break me?”

I didn’t answer. You knew I was always afraid I’d hurt you some day. I never knew how, but I knew I would. Then after that night, I knew it was by leaving you alone when you really needed me the most.

“Heero, I’m not a china-doll. I’m just tired.”

I protested. I said I’d cancel the appointment. Those people would just have to wait. They just wanted a security system and it was only the first visit to evaluate the current system. I didn’t really need to do it that very night. They could just deal with it. You needed me.

“Go,” you told me, “I’ll be fine, just come back to me.”

I’d only been shot once in this job, and that was in the beginning. After that, I made sure to be more careful. So what if I got a little hole in my shoulder. It was never critical, as far as I was concerned. You disagreed. It was always critical.

“Always,” I answered. I always did.

I watched you fall asleep as I lay beside you. I stayed right there until time to leave. I didn’t wake you, just kissed you on top of the head and brushed some stray strands of hair from your face. I remember promising to return. I whispered it gently against your forehead before one final kiss before leaving. Maybe I should have made you promise to be waiting for me. That was the only time you hadn’t.

I can feel how safe you felt in my arms that day, how much you loved me, and how much I really missed.

**I mean the best
with what I say.
It doesn't always
sound that way
I never learned to
Work things out cause
In my family all we
Ever seem to do is shout**

I woke to a second lieutenant shaking me harder than any of the other soldiers ever had. His eyes were filled with fear and confusion.

“Did the seize fire end? Did they attack?” I begin to mutter through sleep filled eyes. I hated waking there. I was so close to knowing what happened to you. I needed to know what happened after I left that evening.

“You were having another nightmare.”

“Nightmare?” I wasn’t having a nightmare for once.

“Yes, three others have already tried to wake you and are now nursing wounds that no man has ever inflicted while asleep.”

I look around to see not only black eyes, but also two doubled over. Apparently, from what they told me I had hit Lieutenant Andrews in the stomach after sending Junior Lieutenant Stevens sailing through the air. I must have been fighting to stay asleep. Fighting to stay with you this time instead of leaving like I did that night.

I explain away all the violence. I never was one for talking. So, I’m not sure how some of them took it. I finally tell them about you. The real you. My wonderful marriage to a wonderful man that loved me more than the Heavens you believed in would ever be able to compare to. I told them about the life I had before coming to this hell. Some of them seemed to understand. A few had been in a wonderful marriage to some very precious wives that they lost. Most had just left them. They didn’t even know why. Or so they say. I’m sure if they really thought about the actions, they’d find a cause somewhere.

There is now a collection of the company that refuses to go near me. Andrews came over during tonight’s supper and sat with me. He forgave me for the pain I put him through. He’s a very nice guy. He told me I was braver than he ever was. Our families reacted in quite the same way when we came out. His parents disowned him as well. He was on the streets for a while. They haven’t given him a chance yet.

Not like my family did. They still hate me and have left several messages since you passed telling me that this is our punishment for being “this way”. Narrow-minded as hell. Trust me, I’m seeing proof that hell is narrow-minded. It’s kill or be killed. This is hell.

The seize fire is almost over, just 8 more hours before the nightmare is released again. Andrews and I go back to the tent to spend more time talking. It seems weird. I never seemed to feel like I said anything right. You always forgave me for those stupid comments that just seemed so insensitive if you didn’t know me. You knew what I meant, somehow. So does the Lieutenant.

**But then I find you here
Through your eyes,
everythings clear
And I'm home
inside your arms,
but I'm alone for now.**

I guess we must have fallen asleep laying there talking. He’s comforting. His voice doesn’t sooth me like yours, but I feel something toward him. Not love, but something I’d say must be friendship. That understanding that I haven’t had since you passed.

I can see you again. Damned dreams. I see you turn just as the door clicked shut from my leaving. I’m not inside you this time. Oh but I wish I were. I’m just viewing, invisible to you. I reach out and try to touch you, but I can’t. It makes my heart ache.

“Heero,” you whisper weakly, “I’ll always be with you. Please forgive me for not waiting for you.”

I watch your eyes close and your breathing almost stops.

“DUO!” I scream at you, but you can’t hear me. I try again to touch you to no avail. “Don’t you leave me damn it! Don’t you leave me in this hell alone!”

I feel the tears start to run down my cheeks like they did that night when I got the call. My entire body begins to shake with the sobs that are more than just dreams.

“Yuy?” I hear a new voice and feel a strong pair of arms hold me.

I wake as I almost sling Andrews off the cot. I can feel the tears that are trailing down my cheeks and rub them away with the back of my hand. He sitting there, holding me close and looking into my eyes with that same concern you used to. Did you send him to me? I know you always believed that people entered into our lives because a loved one that had passed knew we needed them. So, I’m going to believe he’s here because of you.

**And when I try to sleep-
the drugs I take
are killing me - I think of you
to ease my pain -
but you're so far-
Now it's time to say goodbye.
I love you baby
please don't cry -
'cause then I'll find you here -
Through your eyes everythings clear -
and I'm home inside your arms - but I'm alone for now.**

The seize fire is over. I hear the hell outside begin anew. The first gunfire and destruction of the day has just hit. Orders begin to fly out everywhere. Andrews looks into my eyes and just stares into them. I try to turn my head away, but I’m almost frozen in place.

“Hey, let’s move it!” cried out the major.

Andrews and I jumped up and started to run from the tent. The next thing I knew the bombs were next to camp and shards were flying through the air. Half the company had to be hit. We began to load up all the wounded into jeeps. We were under fire and no true hope of fighting back. They must have moved into place before the seize fire ended.

I began to look around as the last wounded soldier in the compound was set into the jeep. Another shell hit. Andrews and I both went flying backwards with the force of the blast. I heard my ribs crack as I hit the wall of the shack we’d been using as a supply tent.

I could taste blood, that salty rusty taste. I could hardly breathe. My vision was blurred. I could hear Lieutenant Andrews calling out to me.

“I’m fine,” I answer. I hope he’s where he can’t see different. He sounds terrified. Not that the rest of us don’t. “I’ll see you at the MASH unit. Until then, don’t worry.” I had to reassure him somehow. But I knew I wasn’t going to make that stop. I was drowning in my own blood. My ribs had to have punctured my lungs.

I reached into my pocket pulling out the syringe I had been carrying since I started in this hell. A small dose of a drug that would kill us if we were ever captured. I wasn’t about to lay there and wait for them to make me suffer more. Technology wouldn’t save me even if it was our troops that found me. Technology didn’t have that much time to find me.

I inserted the needle into my arm and let the fluid flow into my veins as tears ran down my cheeks. “Sorry Andrews,” I whisper. I know I’ll see you soon, love.

**But then I find you here
Through your eyes,
everythings clear
And I'm home
inside your arms,
but I'm alone for now. **

~ The End ~
Current Mood: stressedstressed

FICCIE! YAAAAY! Apr. 11th, 2004 @ 11:49 pm

Warnings: AU, angst, shounen ai, post EW, implied mpreg, OC, a little OOC, implied past abuse, NCS/rape, strong language, 2+1, shifting POVs


Synopsis: Duo and Heero are at the bedside of their first-born son, who has been put in a coma by his ‘boyfriend’. They anxiously await him to snap out of it, but it will be true love to break the barrier.


[Anything in Italics is a scene happening in the present (unless otherwise indicated), anything in quotations is a direct quote, and anything in the squiggly brackets {blah blah} are the lyrics. Phone conversations will look like this <blah blah> By the way, the song is called ‘Sunflowers’ by Everclear, as submitted by shoujo_bubbles.]


Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing. Never have; never will.




{I know where you go
When you want to fall
Why do you want to be broken?}


<Daddy? Daddy, I’m so sorry…>


//Duo’s POV//


                That kid’s going to be the death of me. I know he’s gone to Shen’s again, and I can’t believe he did. I warned him, I forbade him, from leaving to see that dirtbag, but he’s still under the idea that he’s in love. He says he’ll do anything to be loved, but what Shen is doing to him isn’t love.


                I’m thirty-five years old, just like Heero, and our son Yuki is only fifteen. Heero was in labor with him for at least twelve hours, but Heero says every second of it was worth it, and I believe him. He says that for each of our children, even down to three-year-old Mika, who clocked in at thirty hours when Heero went into labor with her. Naturally, I sort of put a halt to the baby production after that. Heero says pain is a necessary evil, and poor Yuki took those words to heart. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t caught him crying, or nursing a new wound on his small, lithe body.


{I know where you go
When you want to fall
Yes your friends they tell me everything}


                According to Yuki’s best friend Jewel, he’s stopped eating all together. At school, he uses his lunch period to exercise in the weight room instead of feeding himself. He’s lost twenty pounds, but he still complains he is too fat. He was ten pounds underweight to begin with. I asked Amir, Quartre’s son and Yuki’s best friend, what it was about. That’s how I knew about Shen Li and the crush my son had on him. One false word from the Chinese boy’s lips sent my son into a frenzy of starvation and grueling exercise his body didn’t need. Amir also told me about the many times Shen picked Yuki up from school and took him back to his house. That explained why Yuki walked home most times, and arrived long after sunset.


{Yes I know where you go
Yes I know what you do
Yes I know the awful things you say
And who you say them to
Yes I know where you go
Yes I know what you do}

                I know all about it now, baby doll, and I’m coming. I can’t let you get hurt this way. I know you hate me, and I know that you do stupid things because you hate me, but I love you. My love won’t get you killed like Shen’s will.




                “Please Sir, return to your vehicle,” the officer said as Duo leapt out of his car to survey the scene before him. This was the house, but why was there an ambulance in the driveway? Why was Shen Li in cuffs? Where was Yuki?!


                “Please, I’m looking for my son!” Words began pouring out of Duo’s mouth before the tears had a chance to spill. “His name is Yuki, and his mother and I are worried sick about him! I know he comes here a lot of times! Please, where’s my baby?!”


                The officer blanched visibly under the former pilot’s scrutiny. The cop himself had to be no older than twenty-three, so he seemed fairly new to the force. Duo didn’t care then; his son was still missing. “Mister Maxwell, then? Duo Maxwell of 32 Crane Lake Drive?”


                Duo nodded, watching the paramedics throw open the doors of their ambulance. “Yes, that’s me! Please, where is my son?!”


                “Mister Maxwell, you might want to sit down for this.”




{I know how you feel
You get crazy inside
They say it runs in the family}

{I know just how you feel
When you get crazy inside
Your mom she said that
You are just like me}

                //Duo’s POV//


                Your mom and I were going through the old photo albums again, and we came across a few photos of you when you were just turning thirteen. My favorite still has to be the one of you kneeling in front of the lawnmower, which lay in pieces on the floor of the garage. You were covered in oil and grime, but you were studying the pieces-parts as though they would tell you how you would fix them. The Prussian blue of your eyes glinted in focus, and a lot of your hair was in your face while you tried to work.


                So much like me at your age. Of course your mom and I are very grateful it was the lawnmower you were repairing and not some hulking death machine called a Gundam. Mama mentioned how much you liked watching me take things apart and put them together, and how honored you were when I let you help. Did you really gloat to your brothers and sister after I asked you to help?


                I suppose that’s why it stung me so badly when you would say I would never understand you. I do, sweetheart. When I was young and still trying to get your mom to notice me, I was willing to do anything. But honey, I would never have allowed anyone to abuse me, or rape me and call it love. I know you’re not ten anymore. You’re still young, though, and you have so much more to experience before it’s your time. There is someone out there for you, someone who won’t beat you and then claim to love you.


                You’ll find them, Yuki. But you have to wake up first.






                <Duo! Did you find Yuki? Is he all right?>


                <Heero…Yuki’s lost a lot of blood. I’ll be at the Mercy of Mary Hospital with him. I’m not sure when I’ll be home.>






                <I need to make a phone call.> Click.


                Duo hadn’t anticipated seeing his husband storming into the hospital some fifteen minutes alter, but he couldn’t blame Heero. He rushed forward and took the Japanese male into his arms for a heartfelt embrace, kissing his face and scolding him in gentle whispers. “Where are the children, Heero? They’ll need you.”


                “Yuki needs me now. Jin, Milo, and Mika are with Quatre and his family for the night.” Heero broke away from the embrace as a doctor approached, and he fixed the woman with a venomous glare that dared her to give any bad news. “Where is Yuki?”


                “And what relation are you to Yuki Maxwell?” she asked, scanning her clipboard for a moment and readjusting her glasses. “I’m afraid you’ll have to take a seat if you aren’t immediate family, Sir.”


                Duo pacified the situation while a gentle hand on Heero’s shoulder. “We’re Yuki’s parents, ma’am. Can you tell us how he is?”


                The doctor tucked her clipboard under her arm and fixed her pen in her hair. “The damage Yuki’s body has sustained will take a long time to repair, Mister Maxwell. He looks as though he’ll recover in time, but I fear that your son has suffered severe emotional trauma, and is now in a coma. The doctors aren’t certain when it is he’ll wake, if he’ll wake, from it.”


                “What do you mean ‘if’?”




{I can see it in your eyes
I can see your shaky hands
I think you think I'm stupid
You don't think I understand
I see you and I see myself
When I was a younger man}

{When you were a child
You were happy and free
You were my reason to live
I would die when you smiled at me
I can still see you
I remember you
Painting sunflowers in your room}


                //Heero’s POV//


                Hello, my little one. Daddy’s finally gone home to see your brothers and sister, so I’ll be here to keep you company.


                I’ve brought you something you might like. You might not be able to see them, but I know you’ll like them. Daddy spent three hours looking for them, going from shop to shop until he was ready to go to Earth himself and grow his own.


                You had never seen a real sunflower before until you were six. Daddy and I took you to Earth to visit Aunt ‘Lena, remember? Aunt ‘Lena had sunflowers in her garden, and I remember you almost got lost in them! You were so amazed at how big they were, and how pretty they were. I remember how much you cried when we had to leave.


                I should have known what you would do with the paint set Aunt ‘Lena gave you for your birthday after that trip. You’d been entirely too quiet in your room that whole day, and Daddy and I were wondering what you were up to. When we saw you standing on top of your dresser with your paints in hand, we were too afraid of you falling to notice what you were painting.


                Daddy helped you down and looked at your work, then grinned and had me look as well. You’d drawn sunflowers on your walls, and you’d made them different colors. Some were big blue disks with yellow petals, and some were purple with black petals. I forgot all about scolding you for climbing on your furniture and went to get our camera.


                I still have that picture, Yuki. It never leaves my nightstand. You were so adorable, splattered with paint and sitting on your daddy’s shoulders while he helped make more flowers on your walls. It took two baths for both of you before all the paint was washed off of you, but I didn’t mind.


                If only I could wash off the grotesque colorings of your wounds just as easily as that paint. My Yuki, what happened? When I said that pain was a necessary evil, I never meant you should seek it. Daddy and I taught you right from wrong, and what lovers certainly don’t do when they’re in love. I can only guess what Shen told you it was, judging from the pamphlets and books that littered your sock drawer.


                My love, safe sex isn’t simply about using a condom. Safe sex involves trust, and your trust was twisted against you. What Shen did can only be classified as rape. I thought you’d learned that difference the first time you came home, welted too badly to even sit with me in the kitchen and eat a decent meal. You cried terribly and tried to run away when you’d bled through your pants, and you swore up and down that you’d fallen all while Daddy and I drove you to the hospital.


{I know where you go
When you want to fall
Hey don't you want to be happy?}


I only wished to see you happy, Yuki. That bastard would never have made you happy. Yes, I told your father when I found out. Yes, it was me that asked Duo to forbid you from going to that bastard again. I thought I was doing the right thing. Your life was most important to me.


You would never have been happy with him. And now you will never be happy with me.

{I know where you go
When you want to fall
Your useless friends
They tell me everything





“Daddy, I have to see him!”


“Yuki Yuy-Maxwell, if you even think for a second that I’m going to let you waltz through that door to hand you off to that son of a bitch, you have another think coming!” Duo was struggling not to raise his voice to his frightened child, but the battle became harder as Yuki grew more rebellious. “Young man, you go back into that kitchen right now and apologize to your mom, and then you can scoot your busted bootie upstairs and to bed!”


The teen glared viciously at his father and cast a hateful glance to his quiet, observant mother. “You’re a snitch and a fool! Did you really think Daddy would stop me?! I’m in love with Shen! There isn’t anything wrong with being in love!”


Heero could stand it no longer and spoke in a quiet, level tone. “There is nothing wrong with being in love, Yuki, but what Shen has for you is not love! Besides that, Shen is twenty-three years old! You’re much too young to be with a twenty-three-year-old! Amir and Jewel…”


“TRAITORS!” Yuki suddenly thundered, sending the toddler into a fit of hysterical tears. “DAMNED TURNCOATS! THEY WERE JEALOUS OF ME FROM THE START! WELL, FUCK THEM AND FUCK YOU BOTH TOO!”


“THAT DOES IT!” Duo made a lunge at his son, but the teen easily slid past him and leapt out the front door of the house, sprinting for all he was worth to escape the scene he’d created. Duo got up and roared angrily, getting to his feet to give chase. Heero held him back and shook his head, tears glistening in his eyes.


“Duo,” he whispered brokenly, “he has to learn this on his own. There is no other way.”


                                                                                                                [End flashback]                                                                                                                                            ~


{I see you run around in circles
I see you digging your own hole
I see you fight the fights
You just can't win
I see you losing self control
What it does to me
Deep down inside
I hope you will never know}




                 <Kat? How are the kids?>


                <All asleep. How are Yuki and Heero?>


                <Yuki still hasn’t woken up from his coma. Heero hasn’t left the bedside once to see to his own needs. I should never have let Heero tell me to let this run its course. Damn that man…prison is too good for him!>


                <Duo, calm down.>


                Sobs filled the other end of the line. <My little Yuki…does he have any idea…Kat, he has his entire future ahead of him! Why did I yell at him?! Why did I drive him away when he needed me?!>


                <Duo, please listen to me. You were trying to protect him. No parent can do anymore for their children than that. Yuki didn’t understand that. He only saw you repressing him, and he could not handle that. He wanted to prove he was an adult, and could make his own decisions without you and Heero holding his hand along the way.>


                <Kat…> Click.




{When you were a child
You were happy and free
You were my reason to live
I would die when you smiled at me
I can still see you
I remember you
Painting sunflowers in your room}


{Sunflowers in your room}


                //Heero’s POV//


                My dear, you look much better. You’ve been able to recognize me now, even if you haven’t woken. You squeeze back when I take your hand. You shrank back from Daddy when he growled, even though he wasn’t at all angry with you. The doctors’ touches make you recoil, but you almost smiled when Quatre and Amir came, and Amir took your hand and stroked it.


                Amir asks about you constantly, and he has brought many many presents. You seem to like the blanket he brought last time. And there are new sunflowers to add to the ones Daddy brought you. Amir has added some that have blood red petals streaked faintly with gold, and a few roses as white as snow. As white and pure as you are, my baby.


                Red is a color of love, as I understand, as is white in other cultures. I see how Amir looks upon you, and how favorably you respond to his contact. I cannot help but grow sorrowful, mostly because I do not know if you know that this is love. Amir constantly asks of you, and begs to come see you. Quatre at first decided that it was a bad idea, but he is as stubborn as you, my sweet. He snuck away from home to break into your hospital room.


                Quatre and Daddy spent at least three hours scolding him for being a fool, but he later told me it was worth it simply to see you. I couldn’t argue that, I admit, and it’s been my absolute pleasure to defend him. Don’t worry, honey; Daddy’s only on the couch for the next month.


                Amir seemed to know about the sunflowers already, so I did not ask any questions. Yuki, if only you would wake. He reads to you so diligently, and with such sorrow he looks at you. He does not cry, at least not when I am near, but I hear him murmur to you. I only hope you can hear him, Yuki. Or at least you can feel how genuine the words are, even if you cannot understand them.


                That is love, Yuki. You may know no other, but I know it when I see it. Daddy would speak those same words to me. He is the one, Yuki.




{All I want to remember
Pretty pictures on the wall
I remember you happy
I remember it all
All I want to remember
Sunflowers in your room}

{Sunflowers in your room}




                “I wish you’d wake up, Yuki-kun,” Amir whispered, stroking the sleeping teen’s hand tenderly and fighting back tears. “What Shen did to you…none of that was your fault. If only you’d wake up. Your parents, my father, Jewel…everyone is blaming themselves. It’s…it’s all my fault you got hurt. I should have stopped you. I wish I would have told you sooner…oh Yuki-kun…this is my fault!”


                The young redhead was too far gone in his own sorrows to notice the faint fluttering of Yuki’s eyelashes. He did look up from his tears when a weak, familiar voice whispered, “What?”


                Amir looked up and smiled in disbelief, then leaned closer to better hear and affirm his hopes. “Y-Yuki-kun? Please, oh please don’t let me be losing my mind! Yuki-kun!”


                “A…Amir?” The amethyst orbs slowly opened and instantly they turned to the Winner son weakly. “What…didn’t you…you tell me?”


                Amir smiled through his tears and leaned close to place a light kiss on Yuki’s not-as-badly-bruised cheek. Behind him, the adults began to filter in, sensing that something was going on. “Boys?” Quatre called, but he paused in the door and barred Heero and Duo from entering for the moment. The words exchanged would forever burn in their minds from that moment on, and never again would be uttered with the same intensity that the moment contained.


                “Ai shiteru, Yuki-kun.”


                “Zutto… Amir.”


                                                ~ Owari ~


[Sorry it’s a little tongue-and-cheek, but time has been a bitch. One of my best friends’ fathers has long been battling cancer, and he died on Thursday. I was at the wake on Saturday, and didn’t get the lyrics until I’d checked my mail at 11:30 at night. I had to scramble for this one, but I hope it’s still good.]

Current Mood: satisfiedsatisfied
Current Music: Sealab 2021 (not really a song, but what the Hell?!) ^-^

Lyric Fic submission: Sunflowers. Apr. 10th, 2004 @ 10:43 pm
It's a tad late, but Easter was a surprise confliction. here's my fic, to shoujo_bubbles's lyrics.

I tried to do something a little different, rather than just inserting the lyrics, I used phrases from the song for actual lines/trains of thought. I hope you like it, and the lyrics are at the bottom.

Pairings: 1+2
Rating: G
Warnings: None.

Sunflowers: LJ cut for your convenience.Collapse )
Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: 2 Heads - Out Of The City

YAAAY! I LIED! Apr. 10th, 2004 @ 09:43 am
Oddly enough, yes, I am rejoicing over a fib. It wasn't a fib at the time, but now things are going in my favor, so I can safely say I'll have something. I'll have a fic for y'all by midnight of April 11th. Here's hopin' it's a good one! See you then!
Current Mood: giddygiddy

Erm.... Apr. 10th, 2004 @ 01:38 am
Title: Let Me Get in Your Head
Author: Shoujo_bubbles
Warnings: shonen ai, possibly stereotypical, angst
Pairings: 2+1
Note: So, yea, the rules REALLY confused me, and I'm sorry that this fic is late. Now that I have a feel for how things are done, I'm hoping it won't be a problem. ^_^ Once again, I apologize much for the lateness of my ficcie.

If there were one word in the history of language to describe Heero Yuy, most would probably choose isolated. The teenage boy talked only when he absolutely needed to. His best friend was his laptop computer. It was a rarity for him to do anything that involved the social limelight, unless it involved manners of business. To put it lightly, Heero was rather antisocial, but he seemed to like it that way. Now, the fact that Heero was like this was a bit of a problem for Duo Maxwell.

"Yea know, we're all going out for dinner tonight, Heero," Duo said to the other boy as the two sat alone in the living room. "You should come."

"I'd rather not," Heero muttered, not looking up from the book he was reading.

Duo sighed. "Well, we'd really like to have you, ya know. It'd kinda build up the team persona."

"The "team persona" is perfectly fine. Besides, you as well as the rest of the pilots, know I'd rather just do missions on my own."

Deep inside your soul, there's a hole you don't wanna see

Duo cringed inside. He could never figure out why Heero had to be so isolated and cold. All the other guys, including himself, tired to get Heero to open up, but it never seemed to work. It was like he had some malfunction that prevented him from having emotions.

"Well, I just thought I'd offer. We all really want you to come," Duo pushed.

"No thank you," Heero said politely, continuing to read his book.

"Suit yourself," Duo grumbled, standing up from the chair and walking toward the door. The guys were waiting for him in the car, and he didn't want to make them late for dinner.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Every single day, what you say, makes no sense to me

"I just don't understand him, Quat. Every time I try to get him to do something--other than a mission--outside of the house, he just doesn't want to do it," Duo whined at Quatre.

After dinner, the two had gone to Duo's room to talk for a bit.

"You just have to be more patient, Duo," Quatre gently said. "Make sure that you're not pushy, because if you start being that way, Heero will never be willing to leave the house except for missions."

"That's how it is now!" Duo complained. "How can someone refuse to have friends? It doesn't make sense to me!"

Even though I try, I can't get my head around you

Quatre smirked. "Well, I actually have an answer for that, Duo. You see, you and Heero are two completely different types of people. Heero likes to be by himself. To you, that doesn't make sense. You can't understand how anyone could want to be alone all the time because you're such an outgoing person. You like to have as many friends as you can. Heero likes a life of solitude, and even though neither of us understand why, we should except it."

Duo frowned. "Well, yea, Quat, you're right. I don't see how anyone can like to be alone all the time. It just annoys the hell out of me that Heero can be so isolated from everyone."

Quatre smiled again. "Give it some time, Duo. If you spend more time around him, he'll probably open up a bit to you. But as I said before, don't be pushy. No one, especially people like Heero, likes pushiness."

"I guess I should try to cool it on bothering him, huh?" Duo muttered, his cheeks turning a slight shade of rose.

"Yea, you should. After all, you can't expect to ever get him as a boyfriend if you can't get him as friend, now can you?"

Duo's mouth hung slightly open, as his cheeks turned bright red. "What the hell...?"

"It's written all over the way you talk about him, and the way you look at him, Duo," the blonde teenager said.

Duo continued to blush. "Seriously? You noticed?" he whispered.

Quatre nodded softly. "Yea, but don't worry. None of the other guys know. They're too involved in their own lives to worry about your love life."

"Do you think Heero knows?"

Quatre rolled his eyes a bit. "No. He's too busy reading all the time."

Duo looked down at his hands that were folded in his lap.

"You're still my best friend, Duo," Quatre said softly. "At least, I hope you still wanna be my best friend after I've embarrassed you so much."

Duo smiled. Still blushing, he looked up at Quatre. "It's okay. Yea, we're still best friends. After all, I need someone like you who can give me great advice so I don't screw everything up."

"As long as you don't hate me," Quatre said, smiling.

"I never could, Quat," Duo said, yawning. "I'm gonna hit the hay, 'kay?"

Quatre nodded, standing up to leave. "Night."

"G'night, Quat."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A misty fog filled the night air, causing a humid, musty feel to surround a braided teenage boy who stood next to a tree. The boy was Duo Maxwell. He wasn't quite sure as to why he was standing next to a tree, but he felt in his heart that he was there for a very specific, important purpose.

Somewhere in the night, there's a light, in front of me

A short distance before him, he saw a tiny light moving toward him. He squinted his eyes to see what the light was coming from, or who was coming toward him, but the fog was too thick. When the light simply didn't appear as though it were coming any closer, Duo began to walk towards it. The closer he tried to get, the farther and farther the light got away from him. The boy was beginning to get impatient, but still continued to try to reach the light.

Heaven up above, with a shove, abandons me

Tears of frustration brimmed at his eyes. His legs were getting tired, as was his mind. He didn't see how it was impossible for him to get to the light. So, he started to run; however, immediately when he started to run, his legs began to be pulled down. He could barely even move at this point, yet he was still determined to reach the light.

Even though I try, I fall in the river of you
You've managed to bring me down too

Suddenly, a miracle appeared and Duo almost touched the light. When his fingertips nearly touched the glowing ember of the light, however, Duo felt himself falling. Not the falling off a cliff to your death kind of fall, though. No, it was like falling into a pit of chocolate and fluff. It was the sweetest sensation he had ever felt. He knew what it was: it was love. It felt like his heart was about to burst from holding so many fuzzy memories, cuddly nights, and warm kisses. It was simply beautiful. It was remarkable.

Then, however, reality came crazing in on him. He had no fuzzy memories to remember. He had no cuddly nights, by a fireplace, sharing hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows with your lover to recall. He had not one sensation of two sets of lips brushing up against one another in a warm kiss to think of. He had nothing of the sort. It was all just a fantasy. Duo's heart broke as he fell down into a black abyss of dismay.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Duo sighed recalling the dream he had had. He knew it was all true. He wanted Heero so badly that it hurt, but he had no idea of how to get him. He wanted to share his life with the other boy and make so many memories of happiness, but it seemed impossible to do so.

All you're faking (get up, get up, get up, get up)
Shows you're aching (get up, get up, get up)

Every single day, what you say, makes no sense to me

Even though Duo knew that Quatre was right, he still thought that, at times, Heero tried to lead people on to think that he didn't want to be around anyone. It was like his way of avoiding conflict. Duo couldn't see how anyone in their right mind could reject enjoying sociable times with people every time they were offered them.

Lettin' you inside, isn't right, don't mess with me

Duo just wanted Heero to try to get along with everyone else. Not in just the business way, but in the friendship type of way as well. Duo knew that not having anyone to open to must be killing Heero. It was killing Duo that he couldn't make Heero open up. Duo hated the fact that Heero wouldn't be more responsive to him. It wasn't right that Heero was so antisocial with someone who just wanted him to go out to dinner.

I never really know, what's really going on inside you
I can't get my head around you

Duo decided to get up earlier than he usually would, so he could eat breakfast with Heero. He wanted to spend some good quality time with him, as Quatre had advised, He just hoped that he could control himself, and not be pushy with Heero. He was almost terrified of driving the other boy away. So, Duo dragged himself out of bed and went to the kitchen to join the boy he knew would be there.

All you're feeling (get up, get up, get up, get up)
Shows you're breathing (get up, get up, get up)

Walking into the door and seeing Heero sitting at the table reading the paper and drinking coffee proved Duo to be correct at the time he ate breakfast.

"Morning, Heero," Duo yawned, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"Good morning," Heero muttered, focusing on the paper.

After Duo prepared himself a bowl of cereal, he sat down across from Heero at the table. "So, anything new goin' on in the world?"


"How's the weather gonna be today?"

"Same as yesterday."

"Um...stock market crash lately?"

Heero quirked an eyebrow at Duo, looking up from the paper. "Are you trying to be annoying?"

Duo blinked a couple of times. "Well, no, I just-"

"Then can you just be quiet and eat your breakfast? I don't have time for useless conversations."

Duo stared at his cereal. Heero went back to reading his paper.

Deep inside your soul, there's a hole you, don't wanna see

Why do I like him so much? Duo thought to himself. He's such a cold-hearted bastard. He doesn't even like talking to me.

Covering it up, like a cut, with the likes of me
You know I've really tried, I can't do anymore about you

"Why don't you like people, Heero?" Duo blurted out, regretting the words almost instantly.

"People are like pets: they're useless."

"So having friends is useless?"

"I do not need friends, Duo. I simply want to be left alone because I work better that way."

"Don't you ever feel like talking about your day? Or about you feelings?" Duo demanded. "It's normal to open up, Heero."

Yeah, the cut's getting deeper

"I have no need to open up."

"If you don't, you'll go crazy!"

"I haven't gone crazy yet."

"Can't you see that I just want to help you, Heero? I just want to be your friend so you can have someone to talk to for once. Being so isolated isn't healthy!"

Yeah, the hill's getting steeper

"If you haven't noticed, I'm in perfect health."

"I don't mean physically, Heero. I mean mentally."

"I have no need for emotions or anything of the like. I'm fine the way I am."

"Are you being serious?! If you are, then you can't be normal!"

I guess I'll never know, what's really going on inside you

"I like the way I am, Duo."

"How can you? How can you be so rejecting about having one friend? Don't you want to be happy? Don't you know that having friends can make you really, really happy?"

"I am happy."

"You don't act like it."

I can't get my head around you

"I am."

"What the hell is so great in your life right now that makes you happy? Because I really can't see anything that'd make a normal person happy."

"I'm happy doing work. Missions make me happy."

"Is working all you ever think about?"

I can't get my head around you


Duo sighed. "Why?"

I can't get my head around you

"It's what I like."

Sighing again, Duo took a sip of his lukewarm coffee. "I just...don't understand, you Heero."

"Please don't try to," Heero muttered. "I'd rather be left alone."

Eating a spoonful of cereal, Duo sighed yet again. "Fine. I'll just stay out of you life."

And get your heart broken in the process...Duo's subconscious told him. I guess you just can't get your head around him.

Duo almost cried, eating his cereal and drinking his coffee in silence. He wanted more than anything for Heero to be able to feel anything for him. It seemed that he would never get that. Never.

I can't get my head around you...
Current Mood: awake

very well Apr. 8th, 2004 @ 08:20 pm
Since everyone is having trouble getting their work in, I'm extending the deadline for the group untill the 11th. Got it? You have till midnight sunday!

Gonna be a bit late Apr. 8th, 2004 @ 09:15 pm
I've gotten the beginning of my preparations for this May's graduation! (Yes, I finally get to graduate from college and it's a big to-do in our family.) Also, one of my coworker's parents had a heartattack, so I've been covering for them. I'm afraid I have yet to get it done, but I'll try to get it done soon!

Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: actually, I'm half watching Bewitched on TVLand

Gommen gommen gommenosai Apr. 8th, 2004 @ 03:51 pm
Unfortunately I don't have an entry for this cycle, much to my chagrin, but I'll be sure to have a damn fine one for the next cycle. So sorry I don't have anything, but the Powers That Be decided I wasn't going to participate this time. I'm looking forward to the next cycle!
Current Mood: crushedcrushed

Misty Yuy's GW lyric wheel submission Apr. 9th, 2004 @ 01:59 am

Title: Lachrymose Regrets
Author: Misty Yuy
Spoilers: None
Category:GW Lyric wheel ficcies
E-mail: shinigamis_lil_angel@hotmail.com

Lyrics: “Heat of the Moment” – By Asia
Lyrics Submitted By: Kimibaka411
Rating: R

Pairings: 2x1 1+2
Warnings: Angst, Shonen-ai, Lime, fluff-wuff
Summary: Duo recaps a time he spent with Heero, only to have his dreams and happiness shattered by something unexpected and unfortunate.

Disclaimer: GW is not mine… Neither are the lyrics for the song being used.
Notes: I don’t know the song myself but reading the lyrics I found a bit of angst and fluff, I felt like adding a bit of a twist.. something… regretful. And deep angsty-goodness.. So I guess all I  can say is enjoy and excuse the Aussie Slang. ^^;;;;;;

[ ……] Denotes Lyrics
Dialogue in italics denote flash backs or memories.


"Heat of the Moment"

Who’d ever thought it would turn out to be this way. You and I, we were so deep in love, and deeper still. I loved you with ever breath, with every beating of my heart, the love so intense between us that it hurt, my heart clenched inside.
I thought I had done the right thing, I thought I was giving you everything. Couldn’t you see? I wanted to give it all to you. My life, my heart…my love. My destiny.

I hurt you, I didn’t even realise I was putting you through so much misery. All I could give just to spend one more moment with you. To have you with me to kiss and hold, when we made passionate love together it was like you were inside me more than any other. The lovers I had in the past could not compare to you. You were my one and only.

[I never meant to be so bad to you
One thing I said that I would never do
A look from you and I would fall from grace
And that would wipe the smile right from my face]

I sit and stare at the picture taken from when we went on our first date. You clutch my braid as I have you tightly wrapped in a slow lovers dance embrace. I am slightly taller then you so you mould to my body perfectly. ‘You cheeky devil’ I grin at your hand sneaking into the back of my slacks. Laying back against the couch I stare up towards the ceiling remembering the conversation as we danced.

”Are you having a good time?”

”Hai, Arigato Duo.”

You cling to me as I lead us around the dance floor swaying gently like a the swell of a calm slow rocking ocean. I rest my chin lightly in your hair, inhaling the sweet wild berry scented shampoo vapours.

”Anything for you… Hee-chan. I love you so much.”

”Mmm.. Love you too, Duo-chan”

[Do you remember when we used to dance
And incidents arose from circumstance
One thing lead to another we were young
And we would scream together songs unsung]

The rest of the night was spent in slow dance and strawberry deserts until we got home and then we broke out the bubbly. I steal my gaze from the not so interesting roof to the fire place in front of the couch, another memory takes it’s place before my eyes.

I see us both, home that night from our date. We hang our jackets and unload wallets and keys onto the little stand under the coat rack. We meet each other in a tender embrace and lean in together for a passionate kiss, our tongues play each demanding dominance. I back Heero towards the living room and up against the back of the couch where we break apart.

[It was the heat of the moment
Telling me what my heart meant
The heat of the moment showed in your eyes]

”Excited are we?” I thrust my hips slightly into his our arousals colliding together. “Hold that thought…I’ll be right back.”

Moments later I return with a bottle of sparkling Champaign and two glasses to find him laid back on the couch, his shoes and sock having being discarded off to the side, tie loosened and his blue shirt partially opened. I couldn’t hold the gasp that escaped my lips at the purely innocent or not so innocent sight that was my partner, soon to be lover of mine.
I seat myself next to him where he straightened up to take the glasses in hand while I tried to flip the cork to the bottle. Damn thing just wouldn’t budge and here he is giggling like a mad man at my misfortunes. //Just you wait Heero Yuy.. your gonna be doin’ more than giggling pretty soon.//

The cork finally flew off with quite an audible ‘POP’ where it bubbled and foamed at the top with just a little bit of spillage. I then filled each glass and placed the bottle to rest on the coffee table.

”To us?”

”To us.”

And our glasses clink together, and then a generous sip with a shiver as the bubbly liquid spills down my throat. I gaze into his eyes as he lowers his glass, the look he gives me is so sinfully tempting. Our glasses over half emptied I lean in and gently take his and place it beside the bottle.

[And now you find yourself in '82
The disco hot spots hold no charm for you
You can concern yourself with bigger things
You catch a pearl and ride the dragon's wings]

I return his sultry look with a look of my own. Like a predator, a creature of the night. I moved in closer and captured his lips with my own, the kiss frenzied yet sensual in it’s own way. Carefully I arranged so he was laid back  the full length of the couch with my own build hovering over him putting most of my support on my arms. I could feel his arousal pressing into my stomach, I could just feel it growing harder as mine was.

In no time at all after removing all our clothes, I could feel Heero beginning to shiver a little, I don’t know if it was just from the cold or his nerves but I reached over anyway and pulled the shall off the back of the couch over us both. His hands were running down from my shoulders down to my buttocks where he squeezed and pushed our hips closer together, eliciting a gasp and a moan from both of us.

['Cause it's the heat of the moment
The heat of the moment
The heat of the moment showed in your eyes]

”Duo… Make love to me.”

No need to tell me twice, that encouragement was all I needed just to make him finally mine.

The rest of the night passed us buy as we made passionate mind blowing love on this very couch, so exhausted that at first light we awoke to find ourselves wrapped in a lovers embrace and I had somehow managed to be on the bottom with Heero snoring lightly into my shoulder. And he swears he never snores, wish I had a voice recorder handy.

But now, in this time I sit here alone. Lonely and waiting to see if you would come back to me. I never meant to hurt you so, we’d been together only so long when work was beginning to take even more and more of our time. We were like passing ships in the night with my day shifts and you nightly runs as security guard.

[And when your looks are gone and you're alone
How many nights you sit beside the phone
What were the things you wanted for yourself
Teenage ambitions you remember well]

Who ever would have thought it would be this way, I wanted you. I wanted you to stay with me… no matter what. Then a minor argument had you storming out and taking off in the car with pent up rage and frustration. I cried for hours after that. Our first real fight and you just up and left. I figured you would return since you took nothing much with you.

So I went and slept on it, slept on the couch. I couldn’t bring myself to crawling into bed where we normally slept together. Then I was awoken by an annoying knocking on the door and I guessed that it would have been you coming back home after cooling off. All I wanted to do was apologise and hold you tightly. I had looked down at my watch which said it was 3:36 am.

Groggily I rise up from the couch and stagger to the door in the dark almost tripping over the step of the sunken lounge and open the door ready to take Heero in my arms and kiss him endlessly. But I was taken back by surprise only to find a police officer standing there, and at that instant a sense of dread and uneasiness washed through me as I stared bewilderedly at the officer.

Those words still echo through my mind.

”Are you… Mr. Maxwell?”

The officer enquired while looking down at her clip board.


She flashed her badge and asked if we could talk inside. So I skittishly let her in and directed us towards the couch.

”Mr. Maxwell, you live with a Mr. Heero Yuy am I right?”

I nodded, my hands beginning to shake my heart beating rapidly. Had something bad happened to Heero?

”Th..There’s been an accident, Mr. Maxwell. You friend Heero Yuy was involved.”

”Oh God… Is.. Is he …ok?”

”It was a collision with an out of control semi-truck and the car he was driving. The truck driver sustained fractures and minor head injuries and is now in a stabilised condition in hospital. But Mr. Yuy…” She paused briefly to push her glasses further up on he nose. “…Was not so fortunate.”

I could feel the tears welling up and I held a hand to my mouth as though the very words would make me sick.

”Mr. Yuy appeared to have sustained major head and spinal injuries, a punched lung and multiple fractures. The collision seemed to have happened so quickly that there would have been little or no time for reaction, and it’s believed that he did not suffer before… before passing away.”

I could remember how it took what seemed like infinity for the realisation to finally hit till I broke down and cried my eyes out. I told her that he was my lover… my partner. I told her everything… the fight we had. I poured my heart out to him. She was a very understanding and down to earth woman too. She shared my pain and told me too that she had lost ‘her’ lover and partner to a simular sort of accident a few years ago.

I remember how she supported me, handing me tissues, making coffee and more than willing to listen to all that I had to say.

She told me that I should be relieved that he more than likely felt no pain and she then handed me a photo, the photo that he had with him in the car… it was the photo Quatre took of us on holiday at the beach. Just me and him… on the sand, on beach towels with me sitting up and Heero held closely against my chest and between my legs, the end of my braid in one hand idly playing with the end bristles.

More tears escaped my eyes, making trails down my cheeks like waterfalls. The dread of loosing him and the fact that my last few moments with him were wasted in a petty dispute, I really hated myself. I wished that I could turn back time and know about the future to stop it from happening. Heh! Such as fate.

So here I am… gazing at the photo he left and the picture of our first date.

Tell me Heero, what do I do now. I want you back no matter what it takes. If it even means the price of my own life. I just want one last moment… to say… that I’m sorry.

[It was the heat of the moment
Telling me what your heart meant
The heat of the moment showed in your eyes

It was the heat of the moment
The heat of the moment
The heat of the moment showed in your eyes

Heat of the moment
Heat of the moment
Heat of the moment
Heat of the moment. ]


Well it seems that my plans changed and I managed to talk my mum into letting me stay home.. (exuse: I'm too sick to travel :P) And had sudden burst of plot bunnie which fueled the muse. Thank GOD.. So yeah.. ^^''' Now I shall go concentrate on getting better, ne?
Current Mood: sicksick
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